Monday, August 6, 2012

Shit Asian Dads Say


The longer I live in Shanghai, the funnier this video becomes. 



Saturday, April 21, 2012

Sometimes it works, Sometimes it doesn't, Always how it is

China is a sporadic place to live in sometimes - or, as compared to my two previous residence countries - US, known for its sturdiness and Singapore, for its stringency,  things here gets modernized at lightening speed, breaks down every so often and gets repaired almost just as fast.

For instance, the finger print recognition lock at my condo is super convenient to get in and out without keys, but it's equally annoying when the scanner breaks down at 2 in the morning and you are back from a weekend party without reasonable sobriety. This happened a few times and after repeated negotiation with night guards to remote-release the lock, this was by far the best motivation to curb recreational alcoholism. :) Equal luck applies to household appliances, office air-conditioner, escalators, all of which brought me unintended health benefits alike, after all, I had to manually sweep my floors, sit and work in a sauna, and run up and down stairs until order was restored.

Sometimes it's the manual intervention too - for example, the Internet will mysteriously stop accessing foreign email accounts and VPN once or twice a month, usually coinciding with some blurry political or social atmosphere and you are stuck with domestic news and friends until further notice. :) Luckily, it all comes back in a few hours or days.

Nonetheless, imperfect design always inspire unconventional wisdom. My extended family recently moved to the new "best living" suburb outside of Beijing boasting nice new condos, new science and tech office parks and open green space, and were ecstatic to usher in the new subway extension. They were only to discover the amount of residents far exceeded the capacity of the new subway, and the trains were filled like a rail-ride home during Deevali in Mumbai on the mere first stop of the three-stop transit line. During peak hours there is even a line of office workers outside the station just to get on the escalator into the stop. :)

Solution? Locals were quick to help. Now outside their condos there are lines of local resident drivers with their own cars offering a ride of 10-20 kuai (about 1.5-3 USD) for the following services: 1) To shuttle you to the nearby Science Park if you were a poor office peon who didn't hop on the train at dawn; 2) To take you back upstream to Stop 1 so you can get on the early rush if you live near Stop 2 or 3 and out of competing luck. On my last day, despite strong faith required to overcome suspicion in getting into a beat-up VW Santana with a man in his pajamas,  (he obvious lives at the condo since the pickup was inside the gates, and, um, pajamas I said), the friendly neighborhood subway shuttle was a pleasant surprise :)

Why is it like this? I can't tell you myself, my guess is the combination of build fast use fast culture in the past decade, plus, there is money to be made in building things, there is wealth to be sustained in repairs :D

Lastly, I inadvertently discovered the mystery of the finger scanner. I came home one day and one local granny was scanning her thumb at my building after grocery shopping. The scanner didn't take her finger print, and next thing I saw was she furiously banged and punched the scanner with her Farm-Fresh mineral water bottle. I swore my eyes widened to a @_@ and I rushed up to help, cleaned the scanner pad meticulously with my scarf and viola, it read her like magic. Btw her name was Grandma Xu and she lives on the third floor, I remembered that diligently cause, if the punishment for poor scanner not recognizing her thumb was bottle in the head,  I can't imagine what happens if I didn't recognize her face next time I walked by. :O ;) Oh well, despite minor annoyances and sometimes major entertainment, I'm living on, and getting merrily along.


If it doesn't work, we improvise

Friday, March 30, 2012

ABCD: Public Hospital: Your Wealth and Hellness Services

I am finally logging a post under the category "ABCD", which in Shanghai foreigner's lingo, stands for "A Bad China Day". Generally, ABCD is a day where you feel awkward / out of place / culture shocked because of an event you encountered, and you can choose to be enraged, saddened, homesick, baffled, wildly amused, or any or all of the above about it. Today, it was my turn, and I am proudly logging it in!

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Even before coming to Shanghai people have long warned me of certain aspects of public healthcare. Today, as I unfortunately came under attack of the weather, fatigue, and seasonal virus, I came down with a severe case of stomach flu. I decided to visit a local hospital for help. Here my steep (and rather painful) learn curve began.

Lesson #1: Respect Thy Neighbor, Especially Thy Elders. First of all, going to your friendly neighborhood hospital / clinic is a workout. You get per-diagnosed at the door desk, who then sends you to Registration Desk to pay and get a number, who then sends you up several floors to the Internal Medicine Doctor, where you literally line up INSIDE her office (forget privacy),  fighting rather healthy-looking old folks who live in the neighborhood and are just crowding the doctor's desk to get their usual meds at a discount with a medical stamp. They will edge themselves in the line, push you out of place, addressing your doctor with usually chatty long hellos about children, backache and dogs, even if you are the one with a real and immediate illness to attend.  Don't mess with them, with the # of prescriptions given as part of the rumored medical merit system, the doc is on their side, always.

Lesson #2: Always Downgrade Thy Illness to a Non-Epidemic: When I finally got to the doctor after being cut several times by smiley old folks, upon hearing the word "stomach flu", or rather, word "flu" the doctor REFUSED to see me. She decided that my condition, as mild as it might seem, might be contagious and hence posting immediate danger to public health. Therefore, I must be treated at a central hospital 5 km away who might be able to potentially contain me (yes she said, contain me) because it is "their policy". Despite my furious contest and as ridiculous as it sounded, I learned not to argue with anyone in an uniform for long and headed to the Taxi stand. :)

Lesson #3: Emergency is A Matter of Timeliness and Convenience: After I dragged my frail physical health and (now) depleted morale out of a cab, I decided to play the pity card. WRONG MOVE again. The central hospital, after hearing that I was physically exhausted, and didn't contain food for 24 hours, decided that I need to go see the Digestive Emergency clinic. Problem? The clinic is 0.5 km away on the other block. As I dragged myself begrudgingly over, the DE doctor, who was playing with her iPhone intently, took one look at me and diagnosed that I was not going to perish soon, and decided that I should not be seen at 3:50pm since she shall be off-shift at 4. Therefore, back to the central registration block, and unless you line up again at the cashier, no refund for your emergency registration fee.

I know I'm sounding like a whiny puppy, but it gets better from here. :)

Lesson #4: The Lab is A Bloody Production Line: As a registered for the regular Internal Doctor who will work after 4pm, she, another iPhone mobile game player / SMSer, decide with another look that I need my blood and stool checked.

Okay, blood first. The nurse who is attending the window had a facial expression of a fascist and an intimidating production line worked out: Gloves, needle, tube, poke, gone. Within 10 seconds of sitting down, she gave me a sharp jab that made me wince, and threw me a little cotton ball to press on the spot. Usual stuff, and I've been tested numerous times before for various immigration procedures, except for this time a minute later as I released the cotton ball, a mini-river of blood streamed down my forearm - which, judging by the look of horror and gasp of people who are standing by for blood-test, is not an normal occurrence. Me, turning into a (by local patient standard) spoiled brat at this point, asked her (politely), for a band-aid. No, meiyou, don't have. Cleansing-wipe? No, meiyou, don't have. Now, turning into a real and (not as polite but still calm) bloody spoiled brat at this point, I told her NO IS NOT AN ANSWER and please find me SOMETHING to stop this mess. With a wary look, she threw me another dry cotton ball with a mumbling comment, "Your veins are too thin." Thanks. I'll take that as an aesthetic compliment after I dry-clean this cashmere sweater. :/

Lesson #5: Pre-prep Poo: (No spoiler or gross description, I promise it is safe to read) Stool Test? The nurse then pointed to a stack of OPEN CONTAINER (no lids) and pointed to the public restroom half-way down the long hall. I immediately made the strategic decision that NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL NOT be walking down half of the hospital with a plate of my own warm poo in my hand. Period. Even monkeys at the zoo learned not to do that. I turned around and headed back to the bench.

Lesson #6: It's a Conversation After All: When I finally had my blood report, the doctor decided to spare me the poo-challenge since she had enough info to prove that I had a viral stomach flu. I finally got medicine that will allow me to eat food, keep it, sleep, and recover. She even kindly asked if I wanted an injection of medication or an IV drip, I politely declined, enough needle for today. Plus, I noticed that they ran out of hanging stands and there are a line of people outside sitting there looking bored,  holding their own IV bottles in one hand. I guess between hydration and hypertension, I am happy to go home and choose hibernation. :)

Now, after a day on med and in bed rest, I am apparently well enough to be amused with my medical adventure. Living strong and blogging on!


Wishing You Were My Doc, Doogie

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Shanghai Housing 2): Amazing and Awkward Stuff About Shanghainese Apartments

I've compiled a list of interesting / weird / cool / scary items about Shanghainese apartments I have seen during my housing search just for fun.

Amazing: Despite population density, tall building code allow for more living space than other Asian cities such as Tokyo, Hong Kong and Singapore. Standard 1 bedroom is about 60-85 sqm, 2 bedroom about 100-150 sqm, 3 bedroom 150 sqm up.
Awkward: Balcony and storage rooms are included in the living space calculation if you have them.

Amazing: Shanghainese apartments often come fully furnished. This typically includes beds, sofa, dining, desk, bookcase, etc etc. One of the popular slogans agents use is :"拎包入住“ which literally means, "Bring your suitcase and move right in!"
Awkward: If your dream place is fully decked out and you brought your own furniture. There is no such things as "temp storages" "warehouses" "mini-storage" in Shanghai, the city is packed enough and will not tolerate people storing their trash in expensive space. Solution: Kindly ask your landlord/ lady to move his/her stuff out if they can during negotiation, and be ready to accept a "no", since their ultimate option, should they choose to exercise it, is to move YOU out and another tenant in.

Amazing: New apartments often come with great indoor lighting ( standard during renovations), creative and decorative indoor walls, marble or hardwood floors, nice little touches such as big beds and chrome hardware, balconies.
Awkward: Some nice apartments are "nice" by Chinese Fengshui standards but not necessarily appealing to the foreign eye. Features include dark-wood floors, heavy dark cherry wood furniture, weird-looking wall paper, odd Feng-shui items your landlord will forbid you from removing such as an entire decorative ship made of jade and dead Sea-turtles.

Amazing: Flat-screen TVs are often standard equipment, so are granite counter tops and massage tubs.
Awkward: Be ready for tiny, tiny fridges and microwaves - Shanghainese have Ayis who do their daily grocery shopping at fresh markets and it's often considered "bad health" to eat leftovers.  Washers with NO dryers are a pain in the a** during humid Spring/ Summer days. Drying cloth in-doors with air-con an saving grace as it could double-up as a humidifier. Use softeners liberally so your room smells good and your clothes stay huggable.

Amazing: Vigilant and watchful security staff at condo complexes that will question suspicious guys.
Awkward: If you are a guy without a property key card, you are suspicious. ( I had to pick up my painter / electrician / housing agent / uncle downstairs so many times already)

Amazing: Standard gas-heated hot water system a money-saver. (Less than $60 USD a month electricity bill during winter? Haven't seen that in years)
Awkward: Make sure the water heater in your apartment is big enough to run a very long shower in one go. Multitasking such as showering while doing hot water laundry can overload the system.

Amazing: Aircons that blow hot and cold for all seasons! I mean, really hot and really cold.
Awkward: Aircon dries your throat so use a humidifier. The room can still be somewhat hot and somewhat cold if you have stand-alone aircon units in each room, which is pretty standard in the city. Winters are notorious cold in Shanghai mostly due to lack of centralized heating in homes. Electrical blankets are useful.

Amazing: One-month rent for security deposit for everything included in the place, standard.
Awkward: Three-month rent payment up front, standard. Ouch.


Your Feng-Shui Ambassador: I'm great for your health, hazardous for mine

Housing in Shanghai (1) : Pick Your Spot

Finding housing in Shanghai is an epitome of life in general - your ultimate success depends on a variety of factors: Timing, patience, negotiation, execution, and oh well, a bit, or a lot, of luck.

Where to I start? For anyone who is new to Shanghai, I highly recommend some reading on Shanghainese neighborhoods. I particularly liked this guide offered by Nileguide.com. Shanghai neighborhoods are diverse and interesting, so it is largely a personal preference whether you prefer the old European charm of the former French Concession, the hustle and bustle West-Meets-China Xiujiahui, or the business-centric Jingan or Lujiazui, it is up to you where you call home next.

A few pointers:
  • Consider your commute: Shanghai streets can be congested and finding a cab during rush hours (7:30-9:30am) can be a pain in the a**. Subways are convenient and cheap but they are jam-packed during rush hour especially on the popular Line 1 and Line 2. I prefer buses - they are cheap and clean (much better than Beijing buses, OMG) but a lot of times they come at 15-20 min intervals and many lines do not have English signage.
  • Consider the services around you: Expats with limited English skills tend to flock in the more popular areas such The French Concession, XiuJiaHui and JingAn's expat apartments and Pudong's LuJiaZui area, with other distinct expat neighborhoods such as GuBei for Japanese and Korean expats. These areas tend to have more familiar chain restaurants, mixture of Western and Asian cuisines, more foreigner friendly bars and nightlife, as well as good internal network of landlords familiar with foreign tenants and domestic help with English skills. 
  • Consider Landlords/ Ladies Who Prefer Foreigners: I'm a bit uncomfortable putting this down, but through my search I discovered that many owner state outright that they prefer Expats who rent alone. Two reasons: 1) Housing allowance these people receive often means reliable payment and 2) They are often workaholics with minimalistic lifestyle, causing minimal wear and tear on the house or apartments. The downside is that rent is often  a bit jacked up and expensive (while negotiable); Upside is that such an owner often comes with perks for your new lifestyle. It's not uncommon for your landlord/ lady to pass on a whole lifestyle care-package to you from the previous expat renter: A trip (or multiple) to accompany you to any Chinese office you need to set up your permits and accounts to life (residency, rental, utilities, bank, cable...). An English speaking Ayi, (domestic helper) who has been working reliably with the house,  can help you open, read and pay utilities and bills on-time, and buy groceries accurately with one glance in your fridge. Last but not least, a laundry list of referrals that will guide you to the trustworthy electrician, plumbers and condo property managers, in case you need them. In essence, they are leaving you the best gift a Chinese person can give: Their precious GuanXi. (Relationships in life)

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So where did I end up? With a bit of luck and what I call a series of fateful events - I ended up in Luwan district near the old Yu gardens. With the old Chinese garden nearby and gastronomic array of restos to satisfy my Asian stomach,  and the posh Xintiandi area a metro stop away, it fits me just right in a strange way that it is East-meets-West, old-time romantic with an eye for the new. Courtesy of Nileguide, here is a description of my new neighborhood:

"Luwan is one of the best districts to live in, and a must-see area for any tourist. It is the modern and ancient heart of Shanghai, with some of the premier attractions, dining, hotels and parks.

At the center of Luwan's Old City are the winding alleyways and souvenir shops of Yu Gardens. Yu Gardens is a cleverly restored shopping area that was redesigned to look like an ancient market square. With winding alleys of vendors and the classical upturned roofs and dragon statues, Yu Gardens is a place you'll want to return several times while in Shanghai. You can get great deals on souviners and clothing if you bargain in Yu Gardens, and virtually every taxi driver and hotel employee can direct you here.


Not far away is Xintiandi, a set of old stone gatehouses renovated into a luxury shopping and dining complex. Literally meaning "new Heaven on Earth," Xintiandi buzzes with tourists and upscale Chinese from lunch until far past midnight. Though a bit expensive, it is well worth visiting if you find you need a Starbucks pick-me-up or are in the market for luxury items. At night, the walking area glows with soft light, making it a romantic and addicting place for an evening stroll.


Finally, Huaihai Road cuts through Luwan district, a street famous for shopping and high-class luxury items. Huaihai Road is also home to restaurants, bars and live entertainment in the evenings. You'll find countless expatriates return to this street for their nightly entertainment, and tourists have also proven fond of the nighttime shenanigans."


If this can't lure my friends to visit, I don't know what else could. :)

Even on paper, it's a crazy big place

Hilarious Chinese Map... According to the Chinese

LOL on this map of China according to the Chinese... or, according to the Shanghainese, Beijinger, and Hong Kong citizen respectively.

Friday, February 24, 2012

One for the Road - The Proust Questionnaire

As I pack my existence to ship some of it to Shanghai, I came across this old book with a collection of "The Proust Questionnaire" as answered by interesting individuals living and past. The questionnaire, as made famous by the French writer Marcel Proust, is said to be quite revealing.

I took it once and I think it is a good point in life to take it again, especially when I imagine going to China would inevitably alter some of my perceptions.

1. What is your favorite virtue in yourself?
 My ability to reflect and improve AND my discretion in knowing when not to do so.

2. Your favorite qualities in a man?
Gentility in his strength.

3.Your favorite qualities in a woman?
Strength in her gentility.

4.Your idea of happiness?
Happy with oneself.

5. Your greatest fear?
To be immobilized by fear itself.

6. What traits do you most deplore in yourself?
My occasional propensity to over-think and under-act.

7. What traits do you most deplore in others?
Lacking self-awareness.

8. Where and when were you happiest?
On many occasions many times and hopefully many occasions to come.

9. What is the most overrated virtue in your opinion?
Success.

10. What is your greatest luxury in life?
Freedom of choice.

11. How would you like to die?
Gently and quickly.

12. Your motto?
Live as if you shall die tomorrow; Love as if you have never been hurt.


Remembrance of Things Past